Technology Outlines

Ewelina’s Outline

Janete’s Outline

Marco’s Outline

Fatimah’s Outline

Yosuke’s Outline


7 Responses to Technology Outlines

  1. fatimah says:

    Hi Marco I think you wanna write about the advantages and disadvantages of using the internet as a resource for getting news because more than the half of your outlines says that.
    I recommend you focusing on it, I find it really interesting topic. your first three evidences support that focus.

    supporting points:
    for #2, I would like you to say that the online news can be documented by videos

    for #3 I would like you to mention many reliable news websites like BBC, Times, google news,…

    for#4 I could not find out is that advantage or disadvantage

    for #6 you went in different trend, you started saying that you are comparing between an online news and newspaper, so I think you should change that to keep your thoughts in the same track.

    For #4, I would like you to say, if that an advantage, that anyone can find the section of news that he/she interested in by a click.

    for#5 that was not understandable for me

    you did a good job Marco, but you need to narrow down your concentration.

    you are welcomed for any explanation

    thank you

  2. Janete says:

    Ewelina maybe you could have more supporting points about how humanoids can improve our living like teaching classes, and using in jobs that could be too boring or dangerous for people, like soldiers using them. And you could add something about how can they amuse us. I thought your thesis statement was good, but you need more points to write like 5 to 6 paragraphs like Rick wants us to. Thank you.

  3. Yosuke Aida says:

    Fatimah, You are going to write a listing essay about drawback of tech right? I have 2 things to tell you. First, you may have more evidences. If you can not find another evidence, you may use your personal experiences. Second, you should think how you will state why tech is bad. For instance, your outline says that people will be replaced by machines because machines have more efficiency than human. You also prepare an evidence about it. However, your opinion is not strong enough because you do not give any reason. So, some people may argue your opinion like why is the replacement bad? For employers, they do not have to hire many workers, so products will be cheaper, it is good for people. If I were you, I would say that if machines replace us, many people will lose their jobs, so the replacement is bad.

  4. Ewelina says:

    Hello gorgeous Janete  Hope you are doing wonderful and you are almost done with your paper. I’m really sorry to reply so late. I had some troubles trying to understand what’s written in your outline. I am not very good at reading peoples hand writing…
    What I could figure out is that you did a very precise and complete work researching for supporting points and evidences. The only advice I can give you at that point is to try to focus on the most important aspects. Too much information or examples can confuse readers. Remember it’s a short paper. Sometimes less is more 😉 Maybe you can chose three/four best fitting supporting points and examples connected to your research question, and provide more detailed description of them. Unfortunately I have no clue about your thesis statement  If you have any doubts or you need my help with anything. Please do not hesitate to let me know. We can discuss it by replying here, or we can talk it through at school.

  5. help2013rick says:

    Hi guys,

    I’ve looked through everyones outlines and I have a few things to suggest:

    • Always make sure that your outline has a complete thesis statement and/or complete research question with answers.

    • Many of you are missing evidence ideas, and information/ideas about how evidence will be integrated into your papers.

    • Also, in general, these outlines need to show more planning and thought. When outlines are fully constructed and complete, the papers are much more easier to write.

    However, your ideas are strong, and I can see that everyone is working hard and learning to organize academic papers. If some of you are making significant changes to your outlines while working on writing your papers, these changes signal a lack of proper planning during the focusing stage of writing (chapter 2 of our textbook). But don’t worry! It’s not so unusual when learning to write academic English papers. (^_^ )w

    Please come to meet with me if any of you have any questions.
    I want to help you as much as possible.

    Also, the expectations for our first submissions are not so great.
    Please don’t overdo your first submissions.

    You guys are doing very well !!!

    – RICK

  6. help2013rick says:

    I forgot one thing!

    Don’t forget the importance of FOCUS !
    Compare/Contrast, Cause/Effect, Definition, Classification, Problem/Solution, Process, Argument, etc…

    Choosing a focus (or 2 focuses) helps us to focus our rereading, note-taking, and note-analyses.

    Knowing our focus helps us to write a strong thesis statement, and it helps us to construct strong supporting points.

    – RICK

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